“Marriage is a:
thrill…and also boredom…
Ease…but also a challenge…
Predicability…but also a surprise….
A marriage is an ever-changing thing because, housed within it, are two alive creatures who are forever imaging and reimagining themselves and each other…”
– Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon
Most couples call and reach out to a couples therapist because they feel disconnected, can no longer communicate effectively, feel frustrated, and say they feel alone in their relationship. This can be a drastic change from the feelings of mutual attraction, incredible understanding, and intense closeness they felt early in their relationship. I hear some couples say they don’t even know their partner anymore and/or they have lost their identity over the years. Maybe you can relate and say you have experienced some of the following:
- Feeling alone & disconnected
- Communication problems
- Sex and intimacy issues (sex and intimacy are not the same things!)
- Infidelity (emotional & physical)
- Feeling trapped
- Experiencing life transitions (newly married, career transitions, parenting transitions)
- Trust issues
- Needing assistance ending your relationship; (I use a process called “Conscious Uncoupling”)
Over the years it is normal for your relationship to get stuck in a similar pattern of misunderstandings and arguments that leaves you feeling like you are unable to resolve your differences; this is your “dance”. These feelings can negatively affect your relationship bond and leave you feeling confused, disappointed, and disheartened.
As a human being, you long for and need connection; we all want to be understood, cared for, heard, loved, and appreciated by our partners and loved ones. We all want to be special to someone! You entered your romantic relationship hoping to receive: friendship, admiration, respect, and love. But…sometimes we don’t always know how to give and receive the very things we need.
Life also happens while you are in your relationships: illness, parenthood, deaths, and infidelity. Relationships and individuals change over time; difficulties happen that make you forget the things that brought you together in the first place.